TheWay I Love You
by black neko hime
Summary: After Ikuto leaves Amu writes him a letter expressing her feelings about him.
1. Chapter 1

The Way I Love You

**Amu's POV**

Dear Ikuto,

You were a great friend. We haven't seen each other in a while and you were on my mind. I'm writing you a letter so that if I ever see you again on the street or something I can give this to you then we can keep on walking. You'll read this and it will cut the last red string that bound us to each other.

You can burn it. Then, finally, it will be as though we never met. We'll be strangers. We'll never meet again. You'll hear of me. I'll hear of you. We'll never speak to each other. We'll never look for each other.

I'm going out with Tadase now. He is a beautiful person with a wonderful personality. He's nothing like you and that's my favorite thing about him. The only thing the two of you have in common as far as I am concerned is both being male and having met through your parents. He loves me. I want you to know that. Unlike you, he's not just playing with me.

**He is sensible and so incredible  
and all my single friends are jealous.  
He says everything I need to hear  
and its like I couldn't ask for anything better.  
He opens up my door and  
I get into his car and he says  
you look beautiful tonight.  
And I feel perfectly fine.**

Tadase is a really nice guy. My friends, my family, even me… believes that I should be with him. We believe this with all our minds. However…

**But I miss screamin' and fightin' and kissin' in the rain  
and it's 2am and I'm cursin' your name.**

Curse you Ikuto. You baka! You made me fall in love with you stupid, perverted idiot!!!**  
You're so in love that you act insane  
and that's the way I loved you.  
And breakin' out and comin' undone  
it's a roller coaster kinda rush.**

When you're around me you act like a super pervert.

Whenever I'm around you my heart beats faster than is good for me… You make me angry, you make me flustered. You release a side of me I didn't know existed. One that only you can bring out. You show me that there's more to me than all the charas in the world could express.**  
And I never knew I could feel that much.  
And that's the way I loved you.**

You made me feel everything as if it was new and the world had some under lying meaning when shown your way… Ikuto, you could make the world revolve around us.

**He respects my space  
and never makes me wait  
and he calls exactly when he says he will.**

Tadase doesn't just show up at my house. He doesn't sneak into my room uninvited. He's never slept in my bed. When we go out he's on time and if he says he'll call he does. He never leaves me when he makes a bet that requires he be there to fulfill it, unlike some person I know. Cough cough~you~cough cough

**  
He's close to my mother  
and talks business with my father.  
He's charming and endearing  
and I'm comfortable.  
**

My mom thinks he's a really nice boy. She's the one who let it him in, that time when I forced you into the closet. She is a major supporter of my going out with Tadase. My dad's even growing used to him. I don't think he'd ever get used to you. No. Never.

He's a gentleman and treats me like a lady. When I say stop even if I'm joking he respects that and does whatever I ask. He doesn't make me all uncomfortable like you. He doesn't embarrass me like you used to.

**  
But I miss screamin' and fightin' and kissin' in the rain  
and it's 2am and I'm cursin' your name.**

But for some reason I'm standing here on my balcony thinking about you. I remember all our fights and special moments. I remember that time at the airport. You're the only guy other than my relatives who's ever kissed me on the cheek. No one's kissed me on the lips. You were the closest. At the time I thought you'd do it. I laugh until I cry every time I remember it.**  
You're so in love that you act insane  
and that's the way I loved you.  
And breakin' out and comin' undone  
it's a roller coaster kinda rush.**

I don't think I'll ever forget how you told me you were going away. There were a lot of emotional highs and lows that night. We had the biggest falling out of our relationship and the next day you kissed me, got off the ride and left me. You texted me at random times for a while. You texted Tadase every time, too. Then it all stopped. I admit it, hurt for a while. **And I never knew I could feel that much.  
And that's the way I loved you.  
**I never knew before I met you that I could feel so deeply about another person. I used to love you.****

He can't see the smile I'm fakin'.  
And my heart's not breakin'.

Tadase doesn't see through me like you did. No one does. No one can replace you in that way. It's a minus to your absence, but then again he doesn't hurt me like you did.**  
Cause I'm not feelin' anything at all.**

I don't love him as much as I lov**ed** you. Notice that I'm using the past tense.

**  
And you were wild and crazy.  
Just so frustrating, intoxicating, complicated,  
got away like some mistake. **

You irritated me. I vaguely remember telling you to go to hell on occasion. You always did whatever you wanted. Well… most of the time. Not when Easter was controlling you, but other than that…

My mind was fixated on you and I know that you knew it. You always made me blush and you'd ask what I was thinking. You already knew I was thinking about you.

I think that in the entire world, you are the most difficult to understand. You didn't feel anything. I mean you didn't love anyone but yourself. Still, it doesn't matter to me. I miss you…****

And I,  
I miss screamin', and fightin', and kissin' in the rain  
it's 2am and I'm cursin' your name.

Man, it's two in the morning and I am still out here. Thinking of you. I miss screaming at you and calling you a perv. I miss acting like I was angry when I wasn't sure how I felt around you. (a/n note: this is crossed out)I miss dreaming about kissing you. (a/n note: this is crossed out)**  
I'm so in love that I acted insane.  
And that's the way I loved you. **

I'm so in love with you that I acted like I hated you. I acted crazy. You embarrassed me. I made it so easy to embarrass me without even trying because I would be thinking about you so much I would get distracted.**  
Breakin' out and comin' undone  
it's a roller coaster kinda rush.**

I'm just going to come out with it right now. I am in love with you. I know I said it was in the past, but I lied. (A/N: after reading this paragraph Amu screamed and crossed it out.)I bet I'll die as an old love-sick virgin. (A/N: crossed out ends here, for now.) I bet I'll die as an old lady with no husband and no kids. Look what you've done to me, perverted old man! You've turned me into your own fangirl and you gave me OCD. Thanks… not! That's so uncool.**  
And I never knew I could feel that much.  
And that's the way I loved you.  
**See, even when you're far away you can still make me angry. I didn't know I loved you this much. I'm going to try to get over you. It'll be hard, but I'm determined. So seriously. Don't look for me. I'll find some cool guy who loves me enough to stick around. I'll find a guy who I love back. Maybe I can fall in love with Tadase.**  
And that's the way I loved you.  
**I didn't know that I loved you enough to do this, but I think I'm strong enough so I will try. I'm going to let you go. Cats don't live in bird cages for a reason. I'll set you free. Don't ever find me. **  
Never knew I could feel that much.  
**I didn't know I loved you enough to do that.**  
And that's the way I loved you.**

So please, don't look for me. I doubt that I have enough strength to let you go more than once. I love you.

From a stranger,

Formerly known as Amu-_**chan**_

Gin's corner:

I don't own any of the stories I write fanfics about.

If I get a request from someone to make another one of these like from Ikuto's side I'll try. Please review I really like to know what people think of my writing.

Thanks for reading.

: )


	2. Chapter 2: Letter from Ikuto

Black Neko Hime: If you're reading this, I should warn you that it wasn't written as though the story had ended some time before Ikuto returned with a result more like the anime where Amu ends up with Tadase.

X

20 November 2012

Dear Amu,

**Are you there****  
****Are you gone**

You're right. It has been years. We're almost strangers now. I remember when we were younger that just about every time we met you were in the middle of some sort of identity crisis. You didn't know who you were or what you wanted. And maybe that's why you let me hang around so much, because I thought I knew. …Who you were, at least. You felt free enough to tell me how you felt.**  
****Do you care**

We were… comrades in a war on social norms. You were always looking for someone who would let you be weak. Someone who would keep you like prized china—displaying the beauty you hoped you had while protecting you from all potential dangers. I was searching for "home" in every person, place, thing or idea that captured my attention. I wanted stability and I guess I believed that somehow you would give it to me. You're fragile existence gave me a constant purpose, back then.**  
****Is anybody home****  
****'Cause something's lost****  
****In your eyes**

You say you don't need me now. You got the guy you wanted. So tell me, babe, why you don't seem happy.**  
****Are you blind****  
****Caught up in the lights, yea****  
**Tact was never something I was well versed in, and I haven't even tried using it at all since the last time we talked… so I'm just gonna come right out and say it. I think you still love me. I understand you that you don't want to be, but I still want you to be. It's selfish, but after all these years, I hoped you were still waiting for me.

******Who are you gonna call when they're coming after you, yeah****  
****Where are you gonna crawl when your fantasy is through****  
****Tell me****  
**You want to cut me off. I get it. But you have to tell me who you're going to lean on from now. Tadase, I love that kid almost like he was my own cousin, but I don't trust him enough to hand you over to him. Not forever. Maybe it's not fair for me to judge him based on how he was at twelve, but I don't care. I'm a twenty-two year old kid you just wants to be home.

******Do you really know me****  
****Do you really see me****  
****when You forget fighting on your own****  
****You are not alone****  
**You don't want to see me anymore. I understand. But I need you to understand that I want to be here for you. That I will be here for you and when you are reading this I'll probably sitting in a corner of your room ignoring your demands for me to get out. I won't let you feel lonely again.

******When your sky is falling****  
****When your pain is calling****  
****Don't forget****  
****That I will take you home****  
****You are not alone****  
**

Just like when we were kids, I'll follow you around to protect you from the dangers you are too oblivious to recognize. I've determined that I am going to play here and you are going to play the part of princess until you like it. Then, it won't stop.**  
**

**When you crash****  
****When you burn****  
****Are you scared****  
****Will you ever learn****  
****'Cause there's a price****  
****That you pay**

A lot has changed, as I'm sure you've told yourself a million times. I went to look for my father. I brought him back. My mother left my step-father. She isn't as fragile as we all thought she was. She proved to be stronger than I ever imagined she would be in my wildest dreams.

Of course, there have been tough things that have happened, too. I lost Yoru. I still needed him, but he disappeared. I thought that was it. That his disappearance was some sort of sign that I have to be a grown-up. I tried. I really did try. I got a job and all that, but something's still been missing. People told me that I need to form more adult relationships. That I should just find someone and get married if I felt that restless, but I couldn't. I couldn't even seriously date anyone besides you.

Every time that thought crossed my mind, it scared me. I knew that you loved me once, but I lost time. We went years without seeing each other and I wondered in spite of myself if maybe you had moved on. Even after reading your letter, I'm still a little scared. It's been three years since you wrote it and this letter still sits on your desk in an address-less, dust-collecting envelope.**  
****You realize****  
****Tomorrow's another day yea hey**

I don't know what you're going to say when you open your eyes. I don't know if your feelings have changed. Maybe you did fall in love with him successfully. I'm scared that you'll tell me you don't need me anymore because I still want you.****

**Who are you gonna call when they're coming after you yeah****  
****Where are you gonna crawl when your fantasy is through****  
****Baby****  
**I know that by now the real world has probably come crashing into your innocent little world much harder than I would have allowed. You might be angry with me because I wasn't here to protect you when all of the hurtful stuff started. Maybe I started it—the pain that the adult world caused you, but I want to pick you up. I want to catch you if you find yourself falling again.

******Do you really know me****  
****Do you really see me****  
****when You forget, fighting on your own****  
****But you are not alone****  
**You've got every right to be angry and frustrated. I went somewhere where you couldn't see me. I made promises and you couldn't see me fulfilling them, but I was in this war, too. I couldn't see you and it hurt like getting the same arm broken over and over in the same place. You might not understand right now, but I was eighteen and the most important person in my world was a thirteen year old girl who needed to be protected. I was emotionally unstable, I had so many loose ends in my life and I didn't want you to get tangled in any of them while I clumsily attempted to protect you.

******When your sky is falling****  
****When your pain is calling****  
****Don't forget****  
****That i will take you home****  
****You are not alone******

**you're not fighting on your own****  
****on the day the darkness comes**

I've done some growing up and I know that when people are growing up, most of us run into some walls with the potential to destroy. That's why so many kids like us—kids who start out young and optimistic, but grow up missing a strong sense of belonging—don't make it. **  
****I'll Find you****  
****Save you baby**

I won't let that happen to you.

******Tell me******

**Do you really know me**

Do you believe me?**  
****Do you really see me**

Look at me. I want to be your support. I am telling you that I've grown up for you. That I love you and I want you. Even if it's just for a short time, I want you to lean on me.**  
****When You forget fighting on your own****  
****But ****you are not alone****  
****  
****When your sky is falling****  
****When your pain is calling****  
****Don't forget****  
****That I will take you home****  
****'Cause you are not alone.**

I love you. What's your answer?

Sincerely, Ikuto.

X

A/N: This is a song-fic I wrote kind of in one go based on Nick Lachey's "You're Not Alone". I hope you like it.


	3. Chapter 3

Tsumungu hummed cheerily about the house. He tore back that curtains in the living room, threw the front windows open, leaned his head out and screamed "good morning" into the street, as was his custom.

The children playing in the yard across the street stopped and stared in confusion, but eventually waved at the strange old man who was there neighbor.

He came back into the house, smiling. They would get used to it. The whole world would get used to the new and improved Hinamori Tsumungu. He turned around to find his wife Midori staring at him and biting her lip with a combination of disapproval and irritation. He kissed her and started re-commenced his skipping and humming—oh, wait, scratch that he's _singing_ now—parade across the family room.

"Tsumungu." His wife called his name and the man froze. Usually she would call him Papa… she must be upset about something, but he—of course—couldn't imagine what.

"Tsumungu, stop it."

"Stop what?"

"You've been acting more cheerful than usual since Amu and Tadase broke up. Don't you think you ought to tone it down a little bit, for Amu's sake? After all, they were together for just over three years. She's probably still upset," Midori explained to her simple-minded, but lovable husband.

"It's been a month already," he whined. "And Amu broke up with him. She finally realized that springy foreign looking boy wasn't good enough for her. No one is good enough for my cute little sparrows!" There was no getting through to that man.

Just then he heard a hiss in the corner on stair case, he'd been bounding toward as he fled from his face-palming wife. It was that creepy blue-eyed black Amu had brought home. For some reason it didn't seem to like him, not that he was any fan of the kitten. Not only had Amu given it a name out of character for her—Iku-nya (don't ask Mr. Hinamori, he doesn't understand the name either. When he had asked Amu about it, she just blushed and said she liked it. Ami had given her a knowing look and the older girl had fled to her room where she'd spent most of her time out of school since)—but she seemed to love it more than him! Aside from waking her up in the morning, the cat was the only one allowed in Amu's room all day. He sighed as it bounded up the stairs ahead of him.

He sighed again when he found it rubbing its little body against his daughter's bedroom door. Curse that cat! Tsumungu was supposed to be the only male in this house!

_It's just a cat. It's just a cat. Get a hold of yourself. You successfully protected your first sparrow from the predatory creatures called boys. _

He smiled to himself and let the mewing black thing that was now clawing at the door's corner anxiously into the room ahead of him.

Ikuto was enjoying a great dream. Amu still loved him.

"It was all a lie. I was just angry when I wrote that letter and wanted you to be jealous! You are the only one I could ever love!" Dream-Amu confessed.

He wasn't disturbed by Mr. Hinamori's parade of felicity downstairs. Nor did he hear the fairy-like man's heavy, reflective steps on the stairs. What he did hear was a cat. There was a cat mewing and clawing abrasively at Amu's door. He started to wake up. Ikuto sat up from the floor and heard a heavy sigh on the other side of the door. Prioritizing himself alive and Amu out of trouble above Amu's comfort in ten minutes, he dove into her big messy bed and hid himself, just as the door opened.

"Amu, wake up." Tsumungu called to his daughter as Iku-nya sashayed across her floor and hopped on the bed beside her.

Something small and warm was on Ikuto's head. _The cat,_ he thought as the small beast twirled about his hair and rubbed his face into it. He silently prayed the cat didn't have fleas. Ikuto really didn't want to have to explain to his doctor that he had gotten fleas from yet another cat. He tried to slide further into the bed as he heard Mr. Hinamori cross the wooden floor. His heel made contact with Amu's calf.

_The cat,_ that was Amu's first thought as contact jolted her from her frustrated and restless sleep. "Morning, Papa." _…But aren't cats supposed to be warm? _She heard a purring sound beside her head_. So it wasn't him._ She looked beside her and almost screamed. "I'll be down in a minute. Papa, would you close the door so I can get decent?"

He father nodded and granted her wish. She didn't breathe until she heard his footsteps on the stairs.

"Iku-nya, come here." The girl called gently lifting her pet off of a familiar blue mop.

She put the cat on the floor and leaned over the head beside her. "You keep your eyes shut until I say or I'll rip them out, you Hentai. Got it?" Amu whispered violently.

Ikuto did the only thing he could do at the moment. He nodded. He felt the bed shift as she got off and fought a smirk that was tugging at a corner of his mouth. Good thing he was turned away from Amu.

Amu stood up and adjusted her pajamas—well, they weren't really a set, just a pair of dark blue cotton shorts and a black ribbed cami with blue lace she'd been too tired to change out of the day before— that had come into an uncomfortable disarray during the night.

She looked at herself in the mirror and her heartbeat hitched when she caught sight of the great reflection of a man in her bed.

**Heart beats fast  
Colors and promises**

She remembered the purity ring Papa had bought her when she announced that she was going steady with Tadase. How he'd cried as she picked the silver band with a cross and heart linked together. She walked soundlessly to her dresser and pulled it on.

Amu pulled some grey campus sweat pants from her drawer and put them on, too. She tied up her hair and pulled a necklace off of one of the tacks that held up a poster in her room. She looked over at her bed and felt the movement of her stomach's butterflies which had been dormant for so long. They would only move for him.

**How to be brave?  
**Amu kicked her bed softly and sat down. "Hey," her voice drifted over her shoulder and into Ikuto's ear. The cat, who had returned to the bed and nussled into Ikuto's hair, purred in response to her voice. Ikuto was slightly amused by the way the cat seemed to like what he liked.

"Yeah?"

"You can look now. I need you to help me with this." Amu handed him the necklace as she fumbled with the bobby pins in her lap trying to get her bangs off of her face.

Ikuto's hands were big and cold against Amu's neck. She winced.

"You okay?" He asked.

"Hai. Hurry up."

"So~" he purred with his head practically against her neck trying to connect the tiny pieces of the clasp. "Who normally helps you with this?" He dreaded the response he expected. Would it be _Tadase?_

She guessed his theory and laughed. "I'm not telling." She flashed him a smirk of her own and hopped off of her bed. As she was half way across the floor her door opened.

"Onee-chan, Mama says you need to hurry up, Papa's crying about how you—" the girl stopped midsentence with a slacked jaw and blinking eyes.

Amu just about ran to the door and Ikuto rolled onto the floor on the other side of the bed.

The impact was heard downstairs. "Everything alright up there?" Midori called to her daughters, momentarily distracted from comforting her adorable, emotional husband who was blubbering about how Amu "loves that Iku-nya more" than she loves him.

"Everything's fine!" The girls called in unison, their eyes locked. "Someone just fell," Amu added.

Amu caught sight of something folded on her desk and stuffed it in her pocket. She grabbed the door and Ami's hands fell away from the nob. Amu grabbed her sister's shoulder lightly and spun her around, ushering her out of the room and walked closely behind her.

Tsumungu was quieter than usual at breakfast. For the first time in months, Amu dominated the conversation. She talked about many seemingly random things—some dreams she had in elementary school, the singer Utau who hadn't put out an album in two years (but Amu was sure she'd be making her comeback in the next three months), some high school kid who protected her in elementary school (Midori chocked), and Iku-nya who was sleeping her room at the moment. Amu ignored the sideways "we'll-talk-later" looks Ami shot her throughout breakfast, but Midori didn't miss them. Amu could have gone on longer and would have, but her father couldn't take it anymore.

He made an outburst that sounded like gibberish with the only intelligible things being "cat in my bird house!" and fled to the water closet in the downstairs master bedroom. He locked the door, closed the toilet seat and sat on it, sobbing in the darkness.

Midori took her glasses off, pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. She put her elbows on the table and pushed her eyes into her palms over her empty plate. The middle-aged woman sighed. "You two girls," she directed her daughters who both flinched at the tired sound in their mother's voice. "This quarrel or whatever you have going on, settle it before you leave the table." She put her glasses back on and returned to normal, "Okay?" She winked at them and left the table.

"But I have things to do today!" eleven year old Ami called after her.

"All the more reason to settle it quickly!" Midori's disembodied voice called back.

Amu sighed and made eye contact with her sister. "What?"

"In your room…" Ami's voice faltered and she looked away._ Maybe I should leave it alone… _but she just had to know! "In your room, that was the nekojin, right?

**bnh:** So I guess this story is going to continue for a while. I still want to use the rest of this song. I only used 3 lines in this entire chapter. –cries in a corner and grows mushrooms—

**bobbi (my chara):** she doesn't own shugo chara. She just owns the fanfictions she writes about it. If you want a preview of the story you can read the rest of the lyrics to Christina Perri's "Thousand Years" which it appears this story may (or may not) continue to be written around.

**Bnh: **Thanks for reading! Please review

_How can I love when I'm afraid to fall  
But watching you stand alone?  
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow_

One step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you  
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you  
For a thousand years  
I'll love you for a thousand more

Time stands still  
Beauty in all she is  
I will be brave  
I will not let anything take away  
What's standing in front of me  
Every breath  
Every hour has come to this

One step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you  
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you  
For a thousand years  
I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you  
Time has brought your heart to me  
I have loved you for a thousand years  
I'll love you for a thousand more

One step closer  
One step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you  
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you  
For a thousand years  
I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you  
Time has brought your heart to me  
I have loved you for a thousand years  
I'll love you for a thousand more


End file.
